Our Home

It's official, our home is now on the market.

The sign and lock have been out for almost two weeks now, but due to the MLS site being down last week, our home has officially been listed for six days.

There are certainly plenty of  mixed emotions as we begin the process of saying goodbye to what has been our home for the past 3 plus years.  Just like our first home, this home has provided a place where the unexpected has changed us.

We said goodbye to one precious baby shortly after moving in, and for the first time I understood the grief that so many mothers-to-be face with a miscarriage.

We watched our second daughter take her first steps and learn to talk.

Our hearts rejoiced as we welcomed our third child, our first son.  And with his life came the unexpected journey of Down Syndrome that has forever changed us.  

Our fourth child came home from the hospital to this house, and she's growing and learning here.

We've entertained friends and strangers, praying that their hearts would be encouraged and they would see Jesus in our home.  

My home has been a safe haven for me during some of the most challenging years of my life. These walls have seen my tears, heard my cries, felt my angered footsteps and leaps of joy.

So, I guess I'll be saying goodbye to a friend when I close the door and walk away to begin a new chapter in our journey.

This journey that we're on has taken us to many places, and now we're just three months away from another new place.  There are countless unknowns on the horizon, of which I'm both terrified and excited.

In the midst of it all, though, I'm so thankful that God remains constant.  Walls cannot contain Him.  God is with us, Emmanuel.  He remains steadfast, unshakable, unchanging, always wise, always loving, always good.

It is with confidence, eagerness, and joy that I can embark on the unknown, because I know the One who goes before me.

The Unknown is a Gift: Our First Home

We've been talking a lot lately about our future.  I guess I thought that by the time I hit my 30's, life would be figured out and the course would be set.

I'm glad I was wrong.

This life of not knowing has been a gift.  Living in different places, making new friends, dreaming about where me might end up next--I have learned to treasure these steps on our journey.

This summer will mark six years of Bradley being in the Navy, the last three of which have been in our home in Georgia.  And as I anticipate moving again this summer, I can't help but think back and reflect.  For some reason, much of my reflecting has been on our first home.

As we approached our first year of marriage Bradley began to seriously pursue his career in the Navy.  In prayer and boldness, we asked if both of us could keep our jobs and work from home, allowing us to move away from Pennsylvania, to Greenville, SC.  Our company said yes, and within one month we had found a home, signed a contract, and moved in.

We only lived in that home for 11 months before the Navy became a reality, but it was wonderful.  Our marriage grew, we learned things like how to tile floors, pay a mortgage, paint walls, resolve conflict with both of us working from home, and we found out we were expecting our first child that year.

I look back and think how seemingly crazy it was, or how crazy we were, and yet God used that little unknown twist to grow us in Him.

We still own this home, and by God's grace, we've been able to rent it for the past six years.  Maybe we'll move back one day, we'll stack up some bunk beds to fit all the kids, and I'll change up the colors a bit.  But if we don't, I'll always look back and remember with thankfulness the ways that God used that home to make me a different person.

And, I pray that whatever unknowns we are given, even this summer, I will receive with an open heart and open arms, knowing that they are a gift from God.

A New & Unexpected Journey

"I'm concerned that Mason might have Down Syndrome."

These were the words spoken to me the morning after our son was born.  Nothing could have prepared me for this and it was one of the most difficult things that I had ever heard.  "What makes you think so", I asked. 

The Doctor paused and began to explain what he saw--one less crease in the palm of his hands, extra skin on his neck--things I hadn't even noticed.  Without other common medical conditions present in children with Down Syndrome, he couldn't be certain until they ran a blood test, the results of which would take two weeks.

In that moment all that I was capable of was to cry and wonder.  My mind began to flood with questions right away:  What would this mean for our family?  What would Mason look like?  How would I be capable of raising a child with special needs?  Why my son?  In the midst of all of these questions, there were three things that I did know:

1. I loved my son.
2. I didn't want my son to have Down Syndrome
3. God was good and sovereign.

Bradley arrived later that morning with the girls and after spending a few minutes together as a family of five for the first time, the Doctor broke the news to Bradley.  We cried hard that night and expressed to each other our frustrations, fears, and all sorts of emotions.  Bradley went into research mode scrambling to try and understand how our lives might be different, but I couldn't.  I wasn't ready to accept it until we had the test results back.

The two weeks waiting for the results were hard.  I cried every time I nursed Mason; I cried when I thought about how our life was possibly changing; I cried wishing that it would all just go away.  I cried because I didn't want to be crying.

Finally, the results came back--the test was positive for Down Syndrome.   We left with stacks of papers full of information and with a son who, although he didn't look much different from our other children, had one extra chromosome that would change the course of his life.

Much has transpired in my heart and mind over the past five months of Mason's life.  I still have questions about Mason's future, and our future with him.  But, there are three things that I know:

1. I love my son.
2. Although I still struggle with some of the realities Mason faces, there is absolutely nothing I     would change about my son. 
3. God is good and sovereign.

Mason is a precious gift from God and we love him more and more every day, just as we do our other children.  This is a new journey we are on, one we certainly didn't expect, but God is giving us grace every day to face the unknown.

Mason's first smile caught on camera

It's taken me months to compose this post.  And, now that I've finally written it out for you, I still have much to share!  So, I thought I would write it over the month of October.  If you've been around this blog for awhile, you might remember my 31 Days series last October, 31 Days of Fall from the Kitchen.  The Nester  started the 31 series, and I decided to participate again this year.   It will have a different flavor this time, but I hope you'll stay around for it.  Come back on Monday for my series title and a little introduction.