Getting a Little Messy

In first grade I had a friend named Sarah.  We would play on the playground during recess, chasing one another and I would push her on the swing.  I went to her house to play, I think on more than one occasion, and attended her teddy bear tea birthday party.  There isn't much else I remember about her; I just know we had fun together.

My relationship with Sarah was my first exposure to someone with Down syndrome.  She was my six year old friend who played, went to school, and shared a life similar to mine.  Sure, she looked a little bit different, but that didn't matter; I just needed a playmate and I had one in her.

When Mason was born and we found out he had Down syndrome, it quickly became obvious that I had no clue the implications this had on one's entire life.  The low muscle tone--often requiring multiple types and years of therapy--, susceptibility to certain diseases, delay in development, shorter life-span.....all of these things were new to us and it took awhile to digest.

At six months of age, Mason began physical therapy, and at that point we felt this was most important for him so that he could learn to roll over, sit up and crawl.  We added speech therapy at 15 months, feeling he was ready to push forward in other areas of development.

Now that he's reached several milestones, we've decided to add Occupational Therapy to his weekly schedule.  Along with speech, this is his most significant area of delay right now.

Occupational therapy is something I never really understood.  In short, I guess you could say it's therapy to help people function properly in their jobs.  What is the job of a toddler?  One therapist said it this way:  to play, eat, get dressed, and go to the bathroom.

Mason won't begin these therapy sessions until the beginning of October, but we've started working on a few things now that we know need to be developed.

Eating.  I'll be honest here.  I've put this off because I didn't want to deal with the mess.  Now, I wish I had started it in GA where our kitchen table was on top of a vinyl floor.  We have carpet in this house, and I can guarantee that they will need to replace it when we move out.  Getting his spoon (or fork) into his mouth comes easily, but we're working on actually scooping or stabbing his food.  He would much prefer to stab the table or throw his utensils across the table.  Meal time typically consists of him trying to get food on his utensil, then he pushes his bowl/plate to me, I get the food on for him, push it back, and he gets it into his mouth.  And then he claps and smiles.  And I try not to think about the bits of food that are getting smeared into my beautifully refinished tabletop.

The mess is only bigger because Jennavieve is at the same developmental stage.  They cheer for each other when food ends up in their mouths, and laugh when it gets spilled on the floor.  If one of them has a fork, the other one needs one too. Even though it's getting messy, I have to remind myself that the mess is really not that big of a deal; the important thing is that these two are learning and growing and they are doing it together.

Appropriate Play.  Physical therapy focuses more on the gross motor skills (walking, climbing, jumping, running) and Occupational therapy helps with fine motor skills.  Manipulating toys, putting puzzles together, coloring, pretending to feed a baby doll--these are all the sorts of things that I try to have Mason do during the day.  He doesn't know that it's intentional, but I try to provide a variety of toys that will require him to work on coordination and grasping small objects.  As much a I dislike having pots and pans on my kitchen floor, I'm glad that he pretends to stir things in my bowls.  This shows that he's understanding how to use objects appropriately.

Dressing.  While Mason is still a little young to be doing this, I'm trying to take a little bit of extra time when I dress and undress him to show him how to pull up his pants, or stick his arms in the armholes.  The other day I gave him his pants just to see what he would do.  He knew they were supposed to go on his legs, but when he couldn't do it, they ended up on top of his head and we played peek-a-boo.  I'm learning to just smile and enjoy his playful spirit rather than become frustrated with his inabilities.

Sleeping in a bed.  This came somewhat out of necessity right now.  Jennavieve does not like sleeping in a pack and play.  When we moved to Florida we just brought one crib, so for a couple of months we had them taking turns in the crib and pack and play.  Mason is getting too big for a portable crib, so we finally put a mattress on the floor and he's been doing great.  Some days I have to lie down with him during nap time so he'll stay in his bed and go to sleep, but for the most part he just crawls in and goes  right to sleep.  It's really nice when he wakes up in the middle of the night and instead of sitting in the rocking chair to soothe him, I can just slip into his bed and snuggle with him until he calms down.  Extra bonus:  he looks super cute and like such a big boy laying on a pillow and under the covers!

Going to the bathroom....let's just say I'm going to let the therapist give me LOTS of advice on this one!  I've been encouraged, though, because Mason seems to know when he has a dirty diaper.  I see that as a really good sign, and we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it.


I've learned in all of these things that I can only take one day at a time.  If I look too far ahead, I grow fearful and anxious.  And then I lose sight of what Mason can do.  He is growing and changing every day, and we are so very privileged to be able to participate with him in each step.  Bradley said it well  to me one night:  "We are so spoiled to have Mason for a son."

Yes.  Spoiled, blessed, loved, changed.  God is merciful and compassionate, and ever-so-good!

Monkey See, Monkey Do, Monkey Speak?

When we moved to Florida one of the challenges I knew we would face would be finding new therapists for Mason.  There's a process:  see your Primary Care Physician and request a referral, wait for the referral, schedule an appointment with the referred therapist, have an evaluation of child's development, schedule regular therapy sessions, begin therapy.

It's pretty straightforward, but this always exhausts me.  Yes, bringing all of my children to an appointment is a challenge, and that in itself can be tiring.  But, the evaluations with therapists are what I most dread.  For thirty minutes to an hour, I'm forced to think on all the ways that my child is not like other children his age.  Questions are asked like, "Does he distinguish between objects in a group?"  "How many words can he say?"  "When he plays with toys does he use them appropriately?"

Then, we move onto the observation of Mason's behavior.  Inwardly I try to will Mason to point to the right picture when asked to find the cookie or the ball.  I know he knows what these things are, but to point to it?  We're not there yet.  Instead, he finds the baby on the page and gives it a big wet tongue kiss.  (Insert very proud Mommy moment here because this obviously shows how much Mason loves people!)

The evaluation ends, and even though I know what the therapist is going to say hearing the words, "So, the test results show that there is a severe delay in his development," still hurts.

In that moment I have a choice to make:  dwell on the delay or think of how far he's come and keep pushing forward to help him.  I'll be honest.  Some days I dwell on the delays.  Maybe this will always be a struggle.  But, can I just tell you that God has been so good!  He is making it easier and easier for me to rejoice and move forward.  The psychologists would probably call this acceptance; I'm going to call it grace.  And I'm ever so grateful for the strength God gives.

Last week was Mason's second speech evaluation since we arrived here.  The first clinic had a waiting list of 4-6 weeks.  Since we're only living her until December, I didn't want to wait that long to get him started.  I was able to find another clinic, very close to Isabella's school, and he starts speech therapy there this morning.  I instantly liked his therapist when I saw that we had the same sandals.  The evaluation process and her way with Mason really sealed the deal for me; I think she's going to be great.

Yesterday I shared about Mason's physical developments over the summer.  Up today:

Speech Developments

Comprehension.  Mason understands so much!  I can tell him to go get his shoes and he does.  He starts heading for the stairs when I tell him it's nap time.  Just in the past few days when I ask if he's stinky, he'll point to his diaper.  (And I even think he said diaper a few times).  He may not respond with words when asked a question, but his facial expressions communicate his excitement, his disagreement, and his confusion.

Body Parts.  We've been working on these for months.  This summer, he's finally gotten some down.  He can now point to his belly, head, nose (or my nose) and mouth.  Occasionally he does hands, and I'm really trying to work with him on feet.  It helps that Jennavieve is almost on the same level now, so we can work on these things together.  She keeps pushing him to learn more.

Animal Sounds.  There's still some confusion as to what is and is not an elephant, but Mason can definitely tell you what a dog says, sometimes an elephant--complete with trunk raised and all--, and last night he said 'moo' for the first time.  Even though they aren't words, it's part of the speech development process and we cheer and jump up and down when he acquires something new.  Many times our animal sessions end with a dance party to 'What does the fox say' (per the request of my two oldest children).

Words.  Most of Mason's words are just grunts.  This is tiring.  And now Jennavieve has picked up on it.  We're working hard with both of them to replace the grunting with something else, whether sign language or an actual word.  Mason can sign 'please' and 'more', and he says 'Daddy' distinctly.  When he starts calling me Mommy we're going on vacation, or something.  I can't wait to hear him say my name.  I can't tell for sure, but I think he calls Jennavieve 'Dede'.  This week I've been trying to have him distinguish between eat and drink.  It's pretty obvious when he stands at the fridge grunting, that he wants a drink, but now he's actually signing it and making the 'd' sound.


Mason has a long way to go before he's using words appropriately.  But you know what?  I know he gets it.  He knows what's happening around him.  He understands us.  He tries to tell me things, and even though he doesn't use the right sounds, he communicates with me.  While I look forward to the day when he can say words and speak in sentences, there's also something special about this secret language he and I have.  It's rewarding when he grunts, I translate, he smiles and waves his arms, and I know that we've understood one another.

I love this little monkey.  I love him just the way he is.  Even if he never says my name, he knows I'm his Mommy.  And I pray that he will always feel how much he is loved and how proud we are to have him as our son.

He's Come so Far

There were days when I thought Mason would never walk.  I had prayed for him to be walking by his second birthday; his birthday came and while he could walk behind a cart or holding onto both of my hands, he refused to let go.

This summer was a summer of growth in many areas of Mason's development.  When I look back over the past three months I stand in awe at what God has accomplished through this little boy, and I can't help but smile at how far he's come.

Over the next few days I'll be sharing some of the specific ways that Mason has developed recently.  It's encouraging to me to recount, and I hope that those of you who have prayed for Mason will be encouraged as well!

Physical Developments

Wednesday morning Mason has physical therapy for 30 minutes.  We have been going to the clinic for the past few weeks and we've enjoyed getting to know his new therapist, and experiencing the fun things that she has in her room, like this cool jungle gym!

In Georgia we were privileged to have in-home therapy, which was wonderful!  The situation here is a bit different, and that has been an adjustment for me, but I'm thankful that Mason has something to look forward to by being in a new environment for his therapy sessions.

I shared in this post that Mason and Jennavieve were both taking their first steps.  That was about a month ago, and now Mason is walking all over the place!  He has definitely made the transition from crawler to walker.  Sometimes when I see him toddling around I still cry at what a blessing this is!  If he falls, which he still does from time to time--balance is still a bit tricky for him--he finds the closest thing and pulls up again to keep walking.

Over the last two weeks he has been able to bend over and pick up toys, stand back up and continue walking.  We're working now on getting him to stand up on his own without help, and walk up and down stairs.

One of the biggest shifts in this area of development has been Mason's desire.  Now he wants to walk.  In fact, when we head for the car, he refuses to hold my hand.  I have to figure on a few extra minutes each time we're going somewhere, because he still moves at a pretty slow pace.

When we pick Isabella up from school we have to walk inside to get her.  Most days I try to let Mason and Jennavieve take turns walking in, the other rides in the stroller.  Mason looks like such a big boy walking down the sidewalk to get his big sister.

Last week at the end of his therapy session, his therapist let him ride the tricycle.  Oh my goodness, I thought I was going to burst!  She had straps on the pedals to keep his feet in place, but other than those and a gentle guiding on the back he was riding that bike by himself!!

When we reached the waiting room to sign out he did not want to get off of that bike.  We literally had to pull him off and he fought me all the way to the car.  I love that he is enjoying all of these new experiences.

My heart is full of gratitude to the Lord for giving us these blessings.  I struggled to learn patience while we waited for Mason to get to this point.  There were tears, anger, and discouragement for sure.  God used all of those things, though, to teach me to trust Him.

Thank you to those who have prayed!  And thank you to those of you who read these updates and celebrate with us!

These Two Couldn't Be Better For One Another

Jennavieve took her first steps the other night.  The pure delight on her face was priceless.  It's like she knew that her little legs were figuring something out and she nailed it.  She didn't go far, just a few steps a time, but that was enough for me.  We clapped, cheered, and squeezed her tight, reveling in her new found freedom.

Then, something amazing happened.  Mason scooted over to me, looked up at my face and I knew that he wanted to try.  I lifted him to his feet, helped him to get going and before we knew it he had walked across the whole room.

He had taken a few steps here and there, but never this far.  He just needed to see someone his size do it first.

Now, a few days later, they're both toddling all over the place.  Jennavieve is definitely stronger and getting closer to truly walking on her own.  But Mason is not far behind.  He delights in his little sister's accomplishments, and I think he really loves to watch her get around.  She gets going first and if he's able, he'll find something to pull up on and walk right along with her.  I can't wait to see them chasing each other, or better yet, holding hands walking together.

I had a lot of fears about having another baby so close in age to Mason.  Down syndrome causes developmental delays in children, and it's impossible to predict what those delays might be.  I wanted Mason to be his own person, reach milestones before his baby sister and truly be the big brother.

These two couldn't be better for one another.  Jennavieve pushes Mason to be stronger, more independent, and brave.  Although it's not exactly the way we would want her to communicate, Mason has taught Jennavieve how to get our attention, he is the one who showed her how to push their little cart.  He gives her kisses and hugs, waves to her from his crib in the morning and cares for her as only he can.  Mason is the big brother in every way.

I never thought I would sit and wonder at both of my children learning how to do things together.  But it's wonderful.  My heart bursts with pride and joy as I watch them learn and grow.

We don't always get an open window to see what God is doing, or has done.  Sometimes He keeps those things secret.  Every now and then, though, He gives us these glimpses to remind us that He is working something far more wonderful than we could ever imagine.

A Better List

Two years ago I was sitting in a hospital exam room with my husband and our two week old son, waiting for the Doctor to come in and let us know whether or not our baby boy had Down Syndrome. It had been a long and difficult two weeks as we waited the outcome of the blood tests they had done. Somehow those minutes of waiting seemed almost longer.  We knew that we might possibly be facing the beginning of unknown waters, and my legs were feeling just a bit shaky.

Now, here we are two years later.  Two years of living life with a child who has Down Syndrome.  We've survived.  There were many days in the beginning that I wondered whether or not I would even be able to push through one more moment. On April 13th, we celebrated Mason's second birthday.

Glory be to God!

Why have I waited two weeks to write about his birthday?  Quite honestly, I was struggling with various disappointments leading up to his birthday and the week after.  I was wrestling with the Lord, and in the midst of wrestling I couldn't write.

We had prayed for several months that Mason would be able to walk before his second birthday.  Our daughters, ages 5 and 4, had been praying every day for their little brother, and I was so hoping that God would answer their request in the way they were asking.

He didn't.

And I was disappointed.

I thought that by enabling Mason to walk, answering the prayers of our family, the girls would get to see God at work, their faith in Him being realized in a tangible way.  And I was fearful that if things didn't go as they were asking they would forever turn away from the Lord.

Turns out they don't trust God any less.  We talked with them about how sometimes God doesn't answer our prayers in the way we wanted.  Regardless of the outcome, though, we still need to trust Him.

 I had to preach this to myself.  I guess I thought that somehow if I really believed that God would answer my prayer, He definitely would.  Isn't that what prayer is all about?

What I discovered was that the very act of praying in faith for something big needed to be good enough.  Communion with God, nearness to Him, the pouring out of my heart, expressing my desires and dreams, sensing His awakening in my Spirit as I am reminded throughout the day to pray---these are the glorious benefits of a praying life.  

As God began to show me that my faith had been in the outcome of my prayers, not in Him, I started to refocus my thoughts.

Initially, the disappointment over Mason's inability to walk on his own had caused me to compare Mason's development with other children his age, and I had started a list in my head of all the things that he couldn't do.

Now, with a refocus I can give you a better list.  It is most certainly not a list of them all, but I give you a list of the amazing things that my son can do.

Mason at Two Years of Age:

Likes to play corn hole.

Loves to eat solid foods with his own two hands.

Sings at the top of his lungs, waves his arms in the air, and sways back and forth to music, especially Chris Tomlin, who is apparently his favorite musician.

Opens up all the cupboards in our kitchen and frequently throws frying pans and pots into my bare ankles.

Tackles anyone who is sitting on the floor by crawling and ramming his head into their stomach.

Says five words.  Do you even realize how incredible this is??

Sings "My God is So Big" by watching and imitating my motions.  One day I will get it on video because it is quite possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen.

Throws a ball {and any other object he gets his hands on} across the room at high speed.  He might be a Special Olympics gold medalist one day.  Watch out.

Crawls all the way up to the top of the steps.

Throws kisses when asked.

Pushes his little cart around the house and yard, turning and maneuvering when needed.

Helps with his baby sister by bringing me the wipes and/or diaper when I ask.

Turns on my phone, swipes the screen, and plays around pushing various things.

Plays with toys appropriately, e.g. pushes toy cars on the floor.

Pulls up onto any surface and now transfers from one thing to another.

Drinks from a straw and sippy cup.

Babbles while looking at books as if he knows how to read.

Lights up my life.

We all start out with shaky legs

I've been watching little legs in motion a lot lately.

Up and down, side to side, front to back.

I have sat through countless physical therapy sessions holding back tears as I watch my son struggle to do what comes so easily and naturally to most children.  His little legs wobble, his knees sometimes buckle, and I have to sit by and watch him learn and grow and get better at this thing called walking.

And yet isn't that how we all start out?  We all wobble a little under the newness of something.

A new job, being a parent for the first time, living on our own, moving to a new place, learning a new way of life.

We all start out with shaky legs.

My legs were pretty shaky when I started out on this journey of Down Syndrome.  Most days found me in tears, afraid of the future and paralyzed by my feelings of inadequacy.  While I still cry sometimes and feel inadequate most days, I'm learning how to walk through this and my legs are getting stronger.

"The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.  He gives power to the faint and to him who has no might he increases strength.  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:28-31

God is giving me strength for the task of mothering my son.  HE doesn't have shaky legs.  HE is the all-powerful God on whom I wait, confident that He will renew and strengthen me.

Mason's legs are getting stronger.  He can push his little cart around the house now like it's nobody's business.  The other night we took him to the park and he walked for about 1/4 mile pushing that little thing, plopping down to wave at passersby, then pulling himself right back up.  He was definitely exhausted by the end of our walk and pretty ravenous at dinner, but he did it.  He's making progress.  He's pushing forward though he grows weary and he's going to walk on his own one day.

When I feel weak and unsteady, I want to push forward with the same determination of my son, trusting in the strength of God, confident in His ability to enable and strengthen me.

Are you struggling with shaky legs? Wait on the Lord.  He will renew your strength.

When you wonder what to say :: Celebrating World Down Syndrome Day

We had just traveled across the country, I think it was about 9 hours worth of travel time, with our two youngest children.  The baby was just 5 weeks old, and Mason was 17 months old.  Still dealing with postpartum issues and sleepless nights, we were both exhausted and ready to enjoy a few days with good friends in San Diego.

There was a bit of confusion in our rental car arrangements, so we were sitting in the rental car lounge waiting for our vehicle to be ready.

It's not easy to sit anywhere with two very small children and go unnoticed.  People started asking how far apart the two were in age, remarked on the cuteness of our children, and some even wanted to play with Mason.

About fifteen minutes into our wait, we noticed a family walk in.  Dad, Mom, middle school aged son, and a younger daughter.  It didn't take long for us to notice that the son had Down Syndrome.

He was a handsome and quiet guy.  I couldn't help but watch their family interact.  I overheard a little bit of their conversation, and learned that the daughter's name was Genevieve--pretty ironic.

Mason continued to grow louder as I played with him from our seat, and eventually the Mom turned around to see who was causing the commotion.  She smiled at us, turned back around and I saw her say something to her husband.  He turned around as well, and very quickly we had all exchanged knowing glances and smiles.

Instantly there was a bond.  A bond of bearing, holding, loving, learning, grieving, cherishing, and living out life with a child who has Down Syndrome.

Everything in me wanted to run to them,  hug them, and ask them all kinds of questions:  "How did you potty train him?"  "Is he in a regular classroom at school?"  "When did he learn to talk?"  "What advice can you give me?" "How am I supposed to do this?"  "Can we please be friends?"

Since Mason was born, almost two years ago, these have often been my thoughts when I see people in public with someone who has Down Syndrome.  I realize that in most circumstances running up to a complete stranger and bombarding them with these questions would be awkward at the least, and perhaps even inappropriate or offensive.  So, I restrain.  But, I've always wondered what to do and if I should say anything at all.

This family in the rental car lounge that day in San Diego completed their business, got their key, and started to leave the building.  They passed by Bradley on their way out, and the Dad stopped and said to my husband,

"You have a beautiful family."

Five simple words that conveyed acknowledgement, understanding, love, and a desire to reach out.

Now I know what to say to the new mom who holds her baby tightly, hoping no one notices the different features of her baby's face.

"Your baby is beautiful."

I can smile and interact with the little boy running around the store with his tired mom.

"What a happy little boy you have."

I can go out of my way to speak to the young adults I see shopping in Wal-Mart with their caretaker, like I did yesterday:

"How are ya'll doing today?"

And in each of these situations I can connect with people who understand what it's like to live life with Down Syndrome.

Tomorrow is World Down Syndrome Day, so I want to take a minute to encourage you, whether you are raising a child with Down Syndrome, know someone who is, or just encounter strangers as you go through life.

People with Down Syndrome are longing to connect with you.

They have emotions, interests, concerns, insecurities, awkwardness at times, and maybe you won't be able to understand everything they say.  But, you can connect with them.  Just a few simple words to let them know that they are valued.

And, if you can't think of anything to say, just make eye contact and smile.





To read more about World Down Syndrome Day click here.

A lesson learned through spaghetti

We were driving to the beach for a week of vacation with my husband's family.  Our oldest two girls had left home earlier that morning with their grandparents, so the car was quiet with just my husband, our 17 month old son and our 9 week old daughter.  The quiet was a nice break--no questions, no complaining, no bickering--a nice respite.

For, I don't know, maybe the millionth time, I handed a graham cracker to my son.

Maybe this time he'll actually put it in his mouth.  

I turned back around in my seat to continue the conversation with my husband.  And a few seconds later I heard it.

"Crunch.  Crunch crunch crunch."

Never before had the sound of crunching crackers made me cry.  But it did that day.

You see, for months we had been trying to get Mason to pick up food, or at the very least chew something with his teeth.  He refused to eat anything that wasn't pureed and fed to him on a spoon.  If we tried to put a piece of food in his mouth, he would just push it out with his tongue.  And, if we placed something on the tray of his highchair, he would throw his hands up in the air and literally freak out.

And I was tired of it.  Tired of pulling out the food processor for every meal to try and come up with something creative and nutritious for this little guy.

His inability and refusal to eat solid foods made me angry, sad, frustrated, and discouraged.  I felt like life was so challenging because I had to work hard to get food into him.

For five months, Mason continued to eat graham crackers and would occasionally pick up a Ritz.  Everything else was a no go.  Then, about three weeks ago, for the first time, Mason picked up pieces of pumpkin bread, put them in his mouth, and chewed them with his teeth.

It was a glorious day!

We've been slowly giving him more finger foods and watching as he figures out how to get them in his mouth.

Last week, we put spaghetti on his tray and he went. to. town.

I've never seen a kid more excited about eating spaghetti than he was that night.  He could not get it in his mouth fast enough.  He kept smiling, giggling, and kicking his feet with joy.

It was then that I realized I had made his eating an issue about me.  The time it took, the mental energy to think through every meal, the emotional struggle wishing he was different.  Never once had I considered how he must feel.

As I watched him chow down and become a messy glob of noodles and spaghetti sauce I saw my son experience a freedom that delighted his heart.

Mason is going to experience challenges of many kinds throughout his life, eating is just one of them.  And, as his mother, I'm going to walk through those challenges with him.  But I don't want to make those challenges about me.  I want to look at them through the eyes of my son.

I want to push him to work hard at what's challenging.

I want to rejoice in the little victories, that really aren't so small for him.

I want to be sad, not because I'm tired of him struggling, but because I hurt for him.

I want to look forward to his accomplishments, not because it will make life easier for me, but because his life will be much more full as a result.

I want to love him, and each of my children, in a selfless way, exemplifying to them the selfless love of Christ.

Seven months and my fears are lifted

When I found out I was pregnant with my fourth child I was scared.  Our son was just six months old and we were still adjusting to the fact that he had Down Syndrome.

Would this child also have some sort of special need?  How would I be able to truly care for both of them?  Surely someone is going to be neglected.  Will I love another child more or less?  

We had talked about having more children, but it was always way down the road, like after Mason learned to walk, and maybe once he was potty trained.  But here we were with a baby who still couldn't roll over at six months, and another one on the way.

That pregnancy was filled with ups and downs emotionally as I anticipated the arrival of that little girl.  There was relief when we found out all the prenatal testing came back negative.  But, then there was also guilt over feeling relieved.

When I arrived at the hospital on the day I was to be induced, they admitted me to the same room where Mason had been born.  All the memories came flooding back, and when the doctors arrived for the delivery, I made sure they knew to examine my daughter closely for any signs of anything that might not be normal.

And then that moment came when we welcomed our baby girl into the world.

It was just as wonderful and exciting as the previous three times.  We loved her with the same love, rejoiced in her precious life, and waited excitedly for the day we could bring her home.

Today our baby girl is seven months old.

 We've had seven precious months of watching another life grow and develop.  Seven months of watching our oldest girls wonder and exclaim over her.  Seven months of watching our son with Down Syndrome adore his baby sister.

My fears have been lifted.

Mason is quick to comfort Jennavieve when she cries.  He scoots himself over to her and carefully lays his head on her tummy.  He brings her toys when she has none.  They have started 'talking' to one another, copying sounds and squeals.

Yes, it's challenging having two babies who can't walk and some days I grow sad over the developmental delays in Mason when I see his younger sister quickly catching up.

I wouldn't want it any other way.

My children are learning to love and serve others.

I am learning to love and serve and to rejoice in the little achievements of my children.

Most importantly, I'm learning to desperately depend on God.

And as I depend on Him, I find joy and wonder even in my most challenging moments.  Not because it's easier, but because He is becoming greater and more precious to me.

Day 17 :: Resist or Yield?

One of the challenges that Mason faces with having Down Syndrome is low muscle tone.  For the past year he's been getting physical therapy in order to help him be able to sit, roll over, crawl, walk, etc.  Most children develop these skills naturally, they don't have to be taught.  But for Mason, he needs to be shown how to get out of a sitting position, that his feet are a part of his body and he needs to use them in order to get around, and that he can move a lot faster by doing it on his hands and knees.

Our physical therapist is wonderful and Mason really enjoys her, which is a blessing.  Most days he does well and really tries to improve his skills.  He gets tired during his one hour sessions because he is working those muscles and learning to do things that, for him, are pretty scary.  It's tough.

Yesterday, though, he wasn't having any of it.  He didn't want the therapist to touch him, manipulate him, or be near him.

As he was swatting his arms at her to get away and grunting in displeasure, a chord struck in my heart.

Don't I do the same thing when life is hard?  I might not literally swing my arms at someone but in my spirit I'm resisting and fighting.

Resisting when I grumble and complain.

Resisting when I get so fed up with what's hard in my day that I raise my voice at my kids and throw sarcastic barbs at my husband.

Resisting when I escape to things like social media, TV, or a good book, instead of seeking God in prayer and pouring out my heart to Him.

Mason doesn't realize that the hardness of physical therapy is going to cause him to grow and develop and be able to get around like other kids.  It's going to take some pain, but eventually he will thrive.  He just needs to yield himself to his therapist.

Life might be hard, the days long, but if I but yield myself, my spirit, to what God is doing I can thrive, seeing that what He is doing is for good, for growth, for His glory.

"And we know that for those who love God 

all things work together for good, 

for those who are called according to his purpose." 

Romans 8:28

Are you resisting today or are you yielding?

For a list of all posts in this series go here