Re-Learning through the changing seasons of life

On Sunday my husband gave me one of the greatest gifts:  time.  To myself.  I basically walked into the house after getting home from church, mumbled something like, "Don't ask me, I'm not in charge," to my four year old's question, changed out of my dress and headed back out the door.

I was elated to finally have some alone time.  Should I go to the beach and read?  Shop?  Find a bathroom and use it just because I could without being interrupted?  Sit somewhere and enjoy being left alone?

I found myself at Panera, with my laptop open, a grilled chicken Caesar salad, and my thoughts.  But I couldn't even think straight.  As excited as I was to be on my own, I also felt completely lost.  This move has taken its toll on me.  My heart, my mind, my emotions, everything has been pushed to the limit and I am tired.

I forgot how much change affects me.  For a person who loves routine--maybe you could say I'm a bit OCD--even little changes, like when Bradley's schedule would shift from days to nights, it would be weeks before I felt like we were in a good rhythm.

The past eight weeks I've been navigating my way through a new town, a house that we don't love, sleepless nights due to a teething baby and older children who wet their beds, mice in the house{even had one in a drawer, and I touched its tail--gross}, loneliness, new routines.  In many ways I feel like I'm drowning in my thoughts and finding clarity in this newness has been hard.

Last year I wrote a post on feeling overwhelmed.  I just re-read it, and do you know what?  I was about to type out exactly what I had written last year.  Funny how we have to re-learn things as we go through the changing seasons of life.  We don't ever arrive.  And, I think that's a good thing.

If we came to the point of handling everything perfectly we would lose sight of the fact that we aren't the ones who are ever handling anything.

I can do nothing on my own.

I must continue to decrease so that Jesus can become greater (John 3:30).

And if me decreasing means that God gives me something that's a bit too hard for me to handle, then so be it.  Because my job as a follower of Christ is to feel more and more unable, not more and more capable.

It's when I feel weak that God is made strong (2 Corinthians 12:10)  In my inabilities He shines greater.  As I abide in Him, I can bear fruit because apart from Jesus I can do nothing (John 15:5).

Today, if we feel like we just can't handle it, we're right.

But, if we have been changed by the gospel of Jesus Christ, then we have a power at work within us, "Christ in you, the hope of glory" (Colossians 1:27).


Linking up with:

Tasting the Sweetness of Jesus

"In our prosperity we love earthly blessings and dote upon things in this world as if our happiness and comfort were bound up in them.  In the day of adversity God convinces us of our mistake, and causes us to see the emptiness of this material world."

The beginning of an excerpt from Voices From the Past, for July 20.  After my post last week where I shared what God taught me through not having my stuff, I read this over the weekend, and had to share it.

I picked this book up again recently to add to my daily devotional reading.  Highly recommend it.  The Puritan writings are full of theology and convey it in such a way that it makes sense for practical daily life.  I'm pushed closer to Jesus and my perspective is pointed toward heaven when I read.

The whole entry is excellent, but I'll just finish with his concluding statements.  I pray that it is an encouragement to you today.

"Ah, but there is infinite fullness in Jesus Christ.  He is suited to all the needs of poor undone sinners.  No king was anointed with such power; no prophet with such wisdom; no priest with such grace, for God gave him the Spirit without measure (John 3:34), and of his fullness we receive grace for grace.  If we fill ourselves with the world, the less we will delight in Christ.  This is our sin and our folly.  But when God spreads sackcloth on the earthly, we discover the beauty of Christ and can taste his sweetness.  He infinitely transcends all the beauty and glory of the world.  He is our King to govern; our Prophet to teach; our Priest to save.  How precious!  Give me Christ, or else I die!"

-Thomas Case, Voices From the Past-

The Last Morning & Jesus is Enough

Today is the last morning I'll wake up in this house, head downstairs to make the coffee, and sit in my chair to journal and read my Bible.  I'm a creature of habit, a routine girl by nature, and I especially treasure my quiet morning times while everyone else is sleeping.

As I wrote in my journal this morning and stared at the boxes piled up around me, I started looking ahead: what will our new home be like?  Where will I put my chair?  How long will it take to feel settled?  Will the kids like it?  Will I like it?  What lessons are we going to learn?

And, then I started thinking back on the 3 1/2 years we've lived in this home.  We've had some great memories here.  And we've had some tough times, too.  Some of my hardest days have been spent on the floor of this home, crying out to God for answers, help, strength, and grace.

He gave it.  He gave me strength to be a mother.  He gave me help to embrace the unexpected and to rejoice in it.  He has poured out His grace in my life in countless ways.  He has become more precious to me than I could ever imagine.

It was in this home that I learned Jesus is enough.  

We face trials that we don't understand, but God has a purpose.  And even if we never have answers for what He does, we can be confident that He will use them to prove our faith.

Trials in life are likened to what fire does to gold.  When gold is placed in the fire, all of the impurities rise to the surface, and they're skimmed off and discarded.

When we are put into the fire of trials, it is meant to bring our impurities to the surface.  God uses those trials to sift out what needs to be removed in order for us to be purified and made more into His likeness.

"In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:6-7

And what's the result?  The result is that our more pure faith then results in praise to Jesus.  We can rejoice in those trials because they are being used to strengthen our faith and make us more like Christ.

I don't know what God has in store for the next chapter of our lives.  But I do know that whatever comes our way, we can trust God.  We can trust that He will do whatever it takes to continue to purify us and to make us more like Him.

Stop looking at the wind

I was making dinner last night and the room started getting really dark.  I peeked out the window and saw the darkest clouds coming.  Grabbing my phone, I ran out back to quickly capture the sight.

My husband loves storms; they remind him of growing up in West Africa, hearing the plink of rain on their tin roof.  He often sits outside and listens to the rain, and loves the sound of thunder in the middle of the night.

Me, not so much.  I still jump a little bit when I see flashes of lightning and hear claps of thunder.

It's that way in my heart, too.  Storms come in the form of troubles, uncertainty, what appear to be closed doors, or what I perceive as unanswered prayers.  My natural tendency is to shudder in fear, doubt God, and grow weary with anxiety.

Only a few hours after I took that picture of the storm, we received word that the tenants we thought had secured our home with a three year lease, fell through.  I went to sleep last night, fighting worry.

My heart was fixed on the storm.

During my Bible reading this morning, I was looking through the gospels and Acts, reading about the life of Peter.  He was an ordinary guy, a fisherman, familiar with boats, water and storms on the sea. I read in the book of Matthew the story of Jesus walking on the water, in the midst of a storm, heading toward the disciples' boat.  The disciples were terrified, thinking Jesus was a ghost.

Peter, the eager spokesperson of the group, said, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water."   When Jesus told Peter to come, "Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water, and came to Jesus."

But, then, Peter saw the wind.  And he was afraid.  And he began to sink.

Peter fixed his heart on the storm.

After Jesus had taken hold of Peter, rescuing him from the water, He said, to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Just like Peter, I had doubted.  I had doubted God's goodness, His ways, His plans.  I had doubted His character.

We are not promised a storm free life.  We are promised a never-changing God, who walks with us through the storm.

I don't know what storms you're facing right now, but whatever the storm might be, there's a choice:   We can look at the wind of uncertainties and troubles, or we can look at the One who controls the wind, carries us through the wind, and promises His presence and grace.

It is only by looking to Jesus that our hearts can be calm in the midst of troubling storms.

Scripture taken from Matthew 14:22-33


Linking up to:

It is Not Death to Die

The words that provide the most encouragement to me are ones that point me to the truth of God's Word.  This was especially true when my brother was killed almost five years ago.  I remember receiving the call telling me of his death, and after I hung up the phone, I immediately opened up my Bible and started flipping through the Psalms.  I was desperate for truth in the midst of a traumatic time.  As I cried over the loss of my brother, I was strengthened reading about the character of God, His promises, and the hope of heaven for those who are in Christ.

As we put together my brother's memorial service over the next few days, I came across a song by Sovereign Grace.  The words of this song were an encouragement to me as I thought about my brother's death, for they pointed me to God's truth.  Death for him meant life. 

But that isn't what we feel when we lose someone we love.  All we feel is death, and the magnitude of loss in our lives.  And so as we grieve we must cling to the truth.  Cling to the hope that is found in God's Word.  For it is only in His Word that we find the most powerful encouragement for any situation we are going through, any hurt we feel, any longing of our heart.  

Today would have been my brother's 24th birthday.  It's a sad day for us as we miss him and the joy that he brought to our lives.  So on days like today, and everyday, we remember:

"Death is swallowed up in victory.  O death, where is your victory?  O death, where is your sting?  The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 15:55-57

Below I've typed out the words to the song I mentioned above, as well as a link to the recording.  May it be an encouragement to those of you who have experienced the loss of someone you love and for those who are facing the possibility of losing someone you love.  In Christ, death means life.  "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."  Philippians 1:21

It is not death to die

To leave this weary road
And join the saints who dwell on high
Who've found their home with God

It is not death to close
The eyes long dimmed by tears
And wake in joy before Your throne
Delivered from our fears

O Jesus, conquering the grave
Your precious blood has power to save
Those who trust in You
Will in Your mercy find
That it is not death to die

It is not death to fling
Aside this earthly dust
And rise with strong and noble wing
To live among the just

It is not death to hear
The key unlock the door
That sets us free from mortal years
To praise You evermore

O Jesus, conquering the grave
Your precious blood has power to save
Those who trust in You
Will in Your mercy find
That it is not death to die

You're Invited to be (in)couraged

When I started blogging a little over three years ago, I found myself swimming in a world of creativity and DIY projects.  The inspiration was phenomenal and I loved learning from the women who were making their homes lovely on a small budget, with their own two hands.  It was fun to jump into this group, sharing little pieces from my own home.

Reading blogs became a part of my daily routine.  

As I became more acquainted with blogs and the bloggers who wrote them, I was introduced to women who were writing about the Lord, their walk with Christ, and pointing me to the truth of God's Word.  My daily blog readings started shifting away from the home decor scene, and I was growing in my knowledge of God through the words that these women were sharing in their little spaces on the internet.

I discovered (in)courage, an online community for women that seeks to encourage women in their faith.  I was reading blogs of many of the contributors for this site, and so I signed up for the daily emails that (in)courage sends out.  Real women write real stories of their life in Christ, how His grace spills out into it, and these stories have been an encouragement and blessing in my walk with the Lord.  

One of the blessings of (in)courage are the Online Community Groups they offer several times throughout the year.  These are groups that women can join to connect with other women from all over the world, who share similar interests, stages of life, or experiences.  I've never been a part of one of these groups, but for the next six weeks, I'll be co-leading a Bible study group.  And I wanted to invite you to join!

We'll be studying 1 Peter together,sharing what we're learning through a Facebook group page.  My co-leaders are Julie Holly and Lauren Huss {click on their names to check out their blogs}.  We've never met in real life, but already I've been encouraged by them as we've worked through putting the details together for our group.

If you want to join us as we study 1 Peter, click here and you'll be directed to our registration page.

Ours isn't the only group, though!  There are over 70 community groups that you can join! Head on over to (in)courage and look for a community group that fits your needs/interests.

Registration for the groups begins today and will continue through this week.  The session officially begins on May 26 and will close on July 4.  The groups fill up quickly, so be sure to sign up right away if you're interested in joining.

I look forward to all that the Lord has in store for each of us who participate in this community of women who long to be more like Christ and (in)courage others to do the same.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."  

Hebrews 10:23-25

Life at 10 Months & A little word on Wisdom

This little girl's life is going by way too fast!  I can't believe she's already 10 months old!

Although a surprise baby, one that brought me lots of fears, this precious girl has been a tremendous blessing to our family.  She and Mason are best friends, partners in crime, and constantly learning from each other.  More and more we feel like we have a set of twins, which I've always wanted.  I just didn't think it would come in the way that it has.

Having a child with Down Syndrome has certainly changed us in many ways.  Mason's development has been delayed, and we had forgotten the 'normal' patterns of development in children.  Jennavieve has started doing things that Mason just recently learned, even though they are 15 months apart.  We often look at Jennavieve, then at each other, shake our heads and say, "One chromosome makes such a difference."

Sometimes I grow sad when I see how quickly Jennavieve is catching up to Mason, but lately I've been excited.  They are having fun together and I really think Jennavieve is going to push Mason throughout his life to excel.

God's ways are certainly higher than ours.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bradley and I are heading away for a few days together.  (Thank you to Bradley's parents for watching our children!! And, to the Lord for beautifully working this out).  We have countless decisions to make in the coming weeks, and time alone together will hopefully lend itself to much conversation.  And sleep.  And quiet.  And doing whatever we want.   I would be lying if I said that I'm not looking forward to being away.  And, I really hope that I'll be ready to come back home.

The decisions that are facing us have been weighing heavily on my heart.  And I know I'm not alone in that.  We all face decisions every day, 'big' ones and even day-to-day ones.  It can be overwhelming and confusing, especially when the perfect answer to decisions isn't coming to us.

I picked up a book by Kevin DeYoung yesterday, Just DO Something, and appreciated what he had to say about wisdom:

"After you've prayed and studied and sought advice, make a decision and don't hyper-spiritualize it.  Do what seems best.  Sometimes you won't have time to pray and read and seek counsel for a month.  That's why the way of wisdom is about more than getting a decisive word about one or two big decisions in life.  The way of wisdom is a way of life.  And when it's a way of life, you are freer than you realize.  If you are drinking deeply of godliness in the Word and from others and in your prayer life, then you'll probably make God-honoring decisions.  In fact, if you are a person of prayer, full of regular good counsel from others, and steeped in the truth of the Word, you should begin to make many important decisions instinctively, and some of them even quickly.  For most Christians, agonizing over decisions is the only sure thing we know to do, the only thing that feels safe and truly spiritual.  But sometimes, often times actually, it's okay to just decide."  (p.96-97)


I'm not going to unpack that, because it's pretty plain and simple.  I hope it's encouraging to you as it was to me, in the decisions that you might be facing.

From Proverbs 6:

Call out for insight.
Seek wisdom like silver.
Search for it like hidden treasure.

"then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.  For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding..."  (Proverbs 2:5-6)

Let's walk in God's wisdom today.

The Majestic Sacrifice

The cross stood tall on the hill, 

the body of a servant King 

hung by piercing nails and an obedient will.

His life spilled out that day on the tree.

His blood poured once for the sin of the redeemed.

In love and obedience He died.

"Father, forgive them," His final cry.

I look and see my Savior and King.

The Majestic Sacrifice, and I can't help but sing:

Of the cross, of the blood, of the death of Jesus.

His life given up, His death that frees us.

On this, Good Friday, may you be mindful of the tremendous sacrifice of Jesus that He made on the cross.  The Son of God, who loved us while we were still sinners, gave up His life for our ransom, made the final sacrifice for our sin.  

It is a good day because He is good and He has given us what is good through His death. 

Day 20 :: Meditate on Truth

"Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding." 

Proverbs 23:23

"Dear friends, we must buy truth even if the price is ever so dear.  Every parcel of truth is precious, as the filings of gold.  We must either live with it, or die for it.  As Ruth said to Naomi, may gracious spirits say, 'Where truth goes, I will go, and where truth lodges, I will lodge, and nothing but death shall part me and truth.'  

A man may lawfully sell his house, land and jewels, but truth exceeds all prices, and must not be sold.  It is our heritage and joy (Psa.119:11).  Our forefathers have bought truth with their blood.  We should be willing to lay down anything that we may purchase this precious pearl.  

It is worth more than the heavens and the earth, and it will make men live happily, die comfortably, and reign eternally. 

 In seeking truth, remember it is not hasty reading, but serious meditating upon holy and heavenly truths that make them sweet and profitable to the soul.  

 

It is not the bee's brief touching of the flower, but her abiding upon the flower that draws out the sweet.  It is not he that reads most, but he that meditates most, that will prove the sweetest, wisest, and strongest Christian.  

Also, it is not the knowing, talking, and reading man, but the doing man that will at last be found the happiest man.  If you know these things, happy are you if you do them.  

Judas called Christ Lord, and yet betrayed him.  How many Judases kiss Christ, and yet betray him; in their words profess him, but in their works deny him; they bow their knees to him, and yet in their hearts despise him; they call him Jesus, and obey him not as Lord.  

Read and labour to know, but that you may do, or else you are undone forever.  You will have two heavens -- a heaven of joy, peace, and comfort on earth, and a heaven of glory and happiness after death."

-taken from Voices from the Past, excerpt by Thomas Brooks

For a list of all posts in this series go here.

When Life Overwhelms

I'd like to think I'm one of those Moms who can wake up every morning with a joyful spirit, sit and read to my children for hours, play make believe whenever they want, do the laundry, make a great meal, manage our home, and still have time to chat with friends, workout and decorate my house in a seasonally appropriate way.

I'm not one of those Moms.

My heart struggles to rejoice and my tongue often reflects that with angry tones and harsh words to my children.

As I write this, dirty clothes are literally spilling out of the laundry room into the hall.

Last week all of my toilets had thick black rings in them.

I got a new phone this summer and still haven't moved my contacts over, so when I do receive texts or calls from friends, I have no idea who they are from as only the number shows up.  So I reply in generic terms to texts, trying to guess who it is that has sent me a message. Great friend that I am, huh?  And so much for phones that are supposed to be smart.

I forget to do things, frequently.  Like two weeks ago when I came home from Costco and Bradley said, "Did you see any utility trucks outside?  Are they doing construction somewhere?  We have no water pressure."   That fine print at the bottom of your water bill saying they'll cut the water off if you don't pay?  They mean it.  Especially when you haven't paid in two months.

Yesterday, I went out with the girls to get a few things and by the time I got to the store I couldn't even remember why I had gone or what was so important to buy that day that I rearranged our schedule and had to go.

I feel like I'm being buried under a huge mass:  my life.

People have asked me, "What's it like with four kids?"  I usually reply, "Oh, it's fine. We're doing good."  But Bradley called my bluff the other day when someone asked and he chimed in and said, "It's hard."

He's right.  I feel stretched, confused, scatterbrained, frustrated, and yes, overwhelmed.

This isn't the first time in my life I've felt this way, though, so I don't really think it is because I have four children. I was overwhelmed when I graduated from college, got married, had my first child {I loved reading this post about that}, and found out that Mason had Down Syndrome. It's just that anytime our life circumstances change, we must learn to juggle the new, whatever it may be, and learn to rearrange our hearts, minds, and daily activities to accommodate it.

So, what do we do when life overwhelms?

The temptation is to either seek pity or a pat on the back from those around us.  We bombard our Facebook statuses with updates about how challenging our life is, or we list out all the things we accomplished in a brief 24 hour period, hoping that someone will comment and tell us how great we are for all those things we did and for bearing up under the pressures of difficulty.  We tend to direct attention to ourselves.

And, then we compare ourselves with others when we catch a glimpse of their lives.  We hear someone's complaint and think, "Oh, that's not that bad.  They should see what I have to deal with everyday."  Or, we might think, " I shouldn't feel overwhelmed by what's going on in my life because they have it so much harder."

The truth of the matter is that each of us faces overwhelming issues.  Life is hard and our days can be busy.  This looks different for each of us, but there is one thing that is the same:

God is not overwhelmed by any of it.

During the opening of our service at church on Sunday, one of our pastors said, "Nothing overwhelms the King."

I needed to hear that.  No matter how crushed or floundering I may be, God remains stable, a Rock.  He knows what's happened, what's happening right now, and what is to come, and He is not overwhelmed by any of it.

If I can take my overwhelmed heart and mind to Him and rely upon Him, He will graciously carry me through the moments, days, and seasons of feeling overwhelmed.

How do I cultivate the right attitude in the midst of feeling overwhelmed?

I need to strive to glorify God and point others to Him, not to myself or to my struggles.

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory." {Psalm 115:1}

If I simply make it through a day, it's only by God's grace and strength.

If I accomplish anything on my to-do list, it's only by His power.

If I'm struggling, I need to admit it and seek the prayers and encouragement of those around me.

Let's be sure that as we face life's overwhelming flood that we are relying upon the stable Rock to carry and enable us.  And, let's be quick to point each other to God's powerful grace when we see another floundering.

When my life overwhelms, please, don't give me pity or a pat on the back.  Pray for me.  Encourage me.  And, please, point me to Jesus.