When You Can't Run and Hide

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"Mama, I'm scared," whispered softly from the steps for the umpteenth time one night.

"There's nothing to be afraid of.  Get back in bed," I say, not so whispered, and not so softly, from my place on the couch.  I wish she would stop stalling and just go to sleep, I say to my husband.

Then, I hear them, the muffled sobs of my precious girl as she tries to calm her fearful heart.  In frustration I walk up the steps, trying to muster up some type of compassionate mommy face to minister to my little girl.  I sit on the edge of her bed and gently ask her, "What are you afraid of?"

Her response, "I {sob} don't {sob} know {sob}, Mommy {sob}."

And immediately I see myself, just a few days before...

The music for Vacation Bible School had been playing in the van for about two weeks and we listened to the songs over and over again.  I needed to learn them in order to teach the kids this summer.  On this particular day I was actually listening to the message of the song.  It begins:

"Sometimes, when I'm scared, I want to run and hide.."

I became undone.  I was afraid.  Terrified might be a better word. Unlike my daughter, though, I did know what I was scared of.  Fear had been creeping at the door of my heart for about seven months and the closer I got to the end of my pregnancy, the more I struggled with it, and the more I wanted to run away from what was coming.

I remember all too vividly what it was like 14 months ago to be told that my precious baby boy most likely had Down Syndrome, just hours after he was born.  I remember the fear, grief, and turmoil I felt for most of last summer as I wrestled with the new reality our family faced.

I was afraid of something like this happening again and I didn't want it.

Please, don't misunderstand me:  I love my son!  And, I'm learning to rejoice in the challenges that come with Down Syndrome.  However, if I can be completely honest, I don't want to have another child with special needs.  It's hard, on many levels, but mostly for me it has been hard on my heart.  {I shared some of this last October in my 31 Days series}.

The reality is that our little baby girl will be arriving any day now, it's happening, and I can't run away from it. I'm thrilled to meet her, hold her, and welcome her into our family.   And as I continue to struggle with my fears about what might happen in the hospital {or even after that}, I've been reminded that although I can't run and hide from my circumstances, I can run and hide in the arms of the Lord.

He is a refuge {Psalm 46:1}.

He is the stronghold of my life {Psalm 27:1}.

He is a fortress {Psalm 59:16}.

As I trust in Him, He provides peace that I can't even understand {Philippians 4:6-7}.

Regardless of what I might face, His grace is oh, so sufficient for my every need {2 Corinthians 12:9}.

His goodness is abundant.  {Psalm 31:19}.

We never know what the Lord might allow to come into our lives, but what we do know is that He has planned it and He will carry us through whatever we might face if we but trust in Him.

The Sunday after I had the crying spell in the car, Psalm 16 was read from the pulpit at church and it was such a good reminder to me, so I leave that with you today,

"Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. 

I say to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; 

I have no good apart from you.' 

As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, 

in whom is all my delight.  

The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;

 their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out 

or take their names on my lips.  

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; 

you hold my lot. 

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; 

indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.  

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;

 in the night also my heart instructs me.  

I have set the Lord always before me; 

because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.  

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; 

my flesh also dwells secure.  

For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, 

or let your holy one see corruption.  

You make known to me the path of life; 

in your presence there is fullness of joy; 

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

We may not be able to run away from our fears, but we can run to the Lord, our portion and our refuge, and we can be filled with joy in His presence.

Day 10 :: Fighting Fear {part 2}: Think on the Truth

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Fighting fear is hard.  

I know because I struggle with fear.  

When we received Mason's diagnosis of Down Syndrome, we were given a long list of potential health problems that he could face.  The fear was overwhelming.  

It would have been easy for me to look at that list and spend most of my days dwelling on all of the possible things that could go wrong with my son.  Some days I did.  

I realized, though, that fear was leading me to worry, which was creating in me a lack of trust in God's sovereignty, goodness, and love. 

How did I fight it?

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." -Philippians 4:8-

Think on the truth. 

If I want my heart to be driven by truth, I must battle fear in my mind with truth, truth about God.

Truth about God is found in His Word, so if I'm fighting fear with thinking on the truth, then I must speak truth in my mind about God.

Fight the fear of incompetence trusting that God is powerful:

"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." -2 Corinthians 12:9-

Fight the fear of rejection remembering who I am in Christ:

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." -1 John 3:1-

Fight the fear of harm believing in the presence of God:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you..." -Isaiah 43:2-

In the moment that fear begins to overpower belief in God, choose to think on the truth about God.

What is it you fear?  Fight it with the truth.

Day 9 :: Fighting Fear {part 1}: Begin at the Root

Most of us have something that we fear.  It could be an object, a situation, a person, or a feeling.

We don't always seek it out, sometimes it just creeps in, unwelcome and takes over our minds.

How do we fight it?

David, in Psalm 56:3-4, said,

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust."

If the remedy for fear is trust in God, then we must first examine our fears to see what it is about God that we are failing to trust.

Fear is rooted in some sort of disbelief about God.

What am I failing to believe about God that is causing this issue of fear in my life?  

I'll let you answer the question and tomorrow we will talk some more about fear.