Friendship begins with my attitude

Last night our family of six rolled into our new town.  We packed up our house in Georgia, said goodbye to friends and familiarity, and now we're living out of suitcases and a hotel room for the next week while we wait for our home to be ready for move-in.

Moving is always an adventure.  Some might say it's a logistical nightmare, others won't even consider moving because of the hassle that entails.  We're a military family, so it's just what we do.  I guess I've gotten used to boxing up our stuff, finding my way around new places, and learning new layouts of grocery stores {why is every Target and Wal-Mart different??}.

One thing that I haven't gotten used to is friendships.

Maintaining friendships with people where we've formerly lived is challenging.  Pushing myself to make friends in new places is scary.

Oh, sure, I have hundreds of friends on Facebook, a few connections on Instagram, and you, my blog readers.  And, I certainly value each of these.

I think we were made for more than just liking each others' pictures and commenting on statuses and such. Friendships need to take place away from our screens, face-to-face, on the phone talking, sharing the messy parts, not just our post-worthy pictures and witty statuses.

My two oldest girls were playing on the swing at my sister's house the other day.  Laughing, taking turns pushing each other, sometimes swinging alone.  Their interactions reminded me of how easy it was to make friends when I was a kid.  Sometimes I just needed someone to push me on the swing.  After a few turns, we would switch places, without even saying anything.  Before long, we'd be playing tag, going over to play at each other's house, and whispering secrets at slumber parties.

Without even knowing it, we were inviting, receiving, sharing and growing.

Why has it become so difficult as adults?

I'm sure there are many people who could answer that question and unearth lots of psychological issues that I am quite unqualified to understand, let alone explain.  For me, I think it boils down to my selfishness.

Friendship, good friendship, begins with my attitude.  I have to stop thinking about myself.

So simple, really, but over and over God shows me just how selfish I am.  With my time, my house, my stuff, my family.

1 Peter 3:8 says, "Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind."

I had never read this with the idea of friendship in mind, but this past week, it struck me:  each of these commands are others-focused and sort of summarize how to be a good friend.

Unity of  mind.  In the body of Christ we are one, and we hold to the truth which should be fleshed out in harmony with one another.

Sympathy.  I have to feel with others, come alongside them and weep or rejoice, whichever they are doing at any given moment.

It seems pretty obvious here that if I am to sympathize with others then I need to know what's happening in their life.  I have to ask questions and spend time with them.  Most people will not divulge their deepest challenges without the foundation of a solid relationship, and that takes time spent together.

Even people who don't know the Lord need our sympathy.  Often times, through the challenges of life, we're given more opportunities to openly share about our hope in Jesus.  What greater truth can we give to someone who is hurting than the truth of the gospel!

Brotherly love.  Love those who are near to me.  True love will result in service.  Giving my time to listen or drink a cup of coffee together, opening my home to share a meal, helping out when people are in need.  These are practical evidences of love.

Tender heart.  This is much like sympathy, only a little bit deeper.  John MacArthur, in his commentary on 1 Peter says, "Much like sympathetic, the expression calls for being so affected by the pain of others as to feel it deeply, following the kind of tenderhearted compassion God, through His Son, has for sinners" (188).

This means that I also need to be willing to share my own heart.  Openness can't just be one-sided.  And, if we're supposed to feel with one another, then we need to make ourselves vulnerable, allowing others to walk through life with us, even if it means that they see what a mess we are.

Humble mind.  The  most challenging thing for me.  Always regarding others before myself, just as Jesus did, is tough.  But, we're instructed to (Philippians 2:3); it's not optional.

Most likely in friendship there will be giving and receiving.  Sometimes the only receiving may be joy in knowing that you are serving and loving.  Either way, a humble mind is essential.

......................................................................................................

Next Thursday I will open the door to a new home, in a new community, surrounded by new people.

My prayer is that God will continue to teach me how to be a purposeful friend.  That He will help me to open up my door and let people in, open my heart and allow people to be known and to know me, and love people in true friendship.



How do you strive to be a purposeful friend?

Stop looking at the wind

I was making dinner last night and the room started getting really dark.  I peeked out the window and saw the darkest clouds coming.  Grabbing my phone, I ran out back to quickly capture the sight.

My husband loves storms; they remind him of growing up in West Africa, hearing the plink of rain on their tin roof.  He often sits outside and listens to the rain, and loves the sound of thunder in the middle of the night.

Me, not so much.  I still jump a little bit when I see flashes of lightning and hear claps of thunder.

It's that way in my heart, too.  Storms come in the form of troubles, uncertainty, what appear to be closed doors, or what I perceive as unanswered prayers.  My natural tendency is to shudder in fear, doubt God, and grow weary with anxiety.

Only a few hours after I took that picture of the storm, we received word that the tenants we thought had secured our home with a three year lease, fell through.  I went to sleep last night, fighting worry.

My heart was fixed on the storm.

During my Bible reading this morning, I was looking through the gospels and Acts, reading about the life of Peter.  He was an ordinary guy, a fisherman, familiar with boats, water and storms on the sea. I read in the book of Matthew the story of Jesus walking on the water, in the midst of a storm, heading toward the disciples' boat.  The disciples were terrified, thinking Jesus was a ghost.

Peter, the eager spokesperson of the group, said, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water."   When Jesus told Peter to come, "Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water, and came to Jesus."

But, then, Peter saw the wind.  And he was afraid.  And he began to sink.

Peter fixed his heart on the storm.

After Jesus had taken hold of Peter, rescuing him from the water, He said, to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Just like Peter, I had doubted.  I had doubted God's goodness, His ways, His plans.  I had doubted His character.

We are not promised a storm free life.  We are promised a never-changing God, who walks with us through the storm.

I don't know what storms you're facing right now, but whatever the storm might be, there's a choice:   We can look at the wind of uncertainties and troubles, or we can look at the One who controls the wind, carries us through the wind, and promises His presence and grace.

It is only by looking to Jesus that our hearts can be calm in the midst of troubling storms.

Scripture taken from Matthew 14:22-33


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It's never too late for a post about love

The internet was bursting with posts last week about love, relationships, romance, and sacrifice.  I enjoy reading different perspectives on love and how it impacts our lives.  We were created to love and be loved and yet this is one of the most challenging concepts to flesh out in daily life.

Why is it so hard?  How can we lose sight so quickly of the importance of love?  What stands in the way of impacting our friends, our family, our world with the deep love of God?

Me.

I stand in the way.  My desires, my time, my important stuff, my to-do list, my feelings, my will.

And before we know it 'me' has become so important that the only thing capable of impacting is self.  And if all we impact is self, we lose out on the love that God designed.

When I get out of the way and begin thinking of the desires of others, the needs of others, and the wants of others, I begin to understand how to love.

When I get out of the way and truly dwell on God's character and His great love demonstrated  in Christ's sacrificial death on the cross, I won't be able to stop myself from loving.

Valentine's Day may be over, but love is never over.

It should be beginning and growing every moment of every day.

Tim Kimmel, in his book Grace Based Parenting, shares an excellent definition of love.  My husband asked me to write it on our kitchen chalkboard so we can be reminded of this throughout the day.

Instead of standing in the way of impacting others with love, I want to commit myself to striving for what is best in others, loving them in the same way that God loves me.

"In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." -1 John 4:9-12

Let's get out of the way today and love.

The Shepherds and the Lamb & Merry Christmas

In the darkness of a typical night, sitting on a hillside outside the town of Bethlehem, some unsuspecting shepherds received word of God's redemptive entrance into the world.

Shepherds were ordinary folk.  They never donned royal robes or mingled with the leaders of the land.  They smelled of earth and sheepskin, not oil and perfume.  Simple people with simple jobs.  Take care of the sheep.  Protect the flocks.  Watch the lambs.

Suddenly the glory of God lighted the darkness of that night.  For God had chosen to make these ordinary shepherds the first recipients of the greatest joy-filled news ever told.

A baby had been born.  He was swaddled up, and could be found in a manger somewhere in Bethlehem.

The angel described this baby as Savior, Christ the Lord.  Upon the utterance of this news, the whole sky was filled with a multitude of heavenly hosts saying: "Glory to God..."

The glory of God coming to some smelly shepherds on a hillside?  Why here?  Why were these ordinary people the first ones to hear?  The fulfillment of God's promise was present.  God's Son had been ushered into the world as a tiny baby.  Shouldn't this miracle be told to someone more influential, someone who could really make a difference and spread the news to all the people for whom the angel spoke?

And yet the shepherds seem to be a most fitting audience.  For not only did they understand the task of shepherding, they also understood sheep.

They may not have completely understood Who they were looking for, but as they searched the town of Bethlehem for the baby that night, these shepherds were searching for one who was a Shepherd and a Lamb.

They found the Good Shepherd lying in a manger that night.  The precious Lamb of God was the object of their search.

It only makes sense that God would choose to allow some simple shepherds to be the first ones to come and sit at the feet of Jesus.  Shepherds, who excelled at watching lambs, now with amazement and wonder, watched the Lamb of God.

As you celebrate Christmas this day, may you sit in wonder and rejoice in Jesus, the Good Shepherd and the Lamb, who came to take away the sin of the world.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

30 Day Praise Challenge, Week 1

Have you ever read a book and felt like the author wrote it just for you?  That's how I have felt each day as I've read through Becky Harling's book, the 30 Day Praise Challenge, over the past few days.  There are specific things in each day that we are encouraged to praise God for.  I'll share with you a few things that I've gleaned from each day.

day 1:
I was feeling particularly inadequate on this day regarding caring for Mason.  He had two therapy sessions back to back that day and by the time it was over, I was emotionally spent.  How was I ever going to help him learn how to talk?  And, how would I be able to do it?  I was at unrest in my spirit about caring for my son.

Then, I read these words:  "Every time you feel an uncertain angst in your soul, praise God immediately that He will give you discernment for that moment."

I definitely need God's wisdom, and if I can learn to praise God in advance, I would avoid unnecessary grumbling in my spirit.  He promises wisdom; I need only to ask.

day 2:
Tired is an understatement these days.  I'm sure you all can relate!  Life is busy and there are certain seasons for each of us that are more taxing than normal; I'm in one of those more taxing seasons.  And it's not just physical weariness, although I do feel that.  There's a soul-weary that comes from challenges, changes, circumstances we didn't expect, etc.

In Becky's prayer that day she says, "I praise You that when I feel exhausted, You invite me to rest in You, reassuring me that You are not demanding or harsh in Your expectations for me."

We have strength from a God who never grows tired or weary.

day 3:
This day was all about praising God for how He has made us.  Quite timely for me, who is hanging onto more pregnancy weight than I want to right now.  It was a good reminder to me that we were created in God's image, not to be skinny and feel good about myself, but God designed us "to reflect Your {God's} beauty in a world that is often not very beautiful."

day 4:
There have been periods of time over the past 18 months, since finding out our son had Down Syndrome, that I have struggled with his condition more than others.  This fall has been particularly challenging for some reason.  Over the past two weeks, though, Mason has crossed some major milestones {I'll share more on that later this week}. I have really been thinking on the kindness of God--He always seems to give me encouragement just when I need it.

Then, I read, "Perhaps, just when you felt you couldn't handle the challenge of having a child with special needs, you experienced an unexpected breakthrough."  Yes!  That's exactly what happened!  Even when things feel unfair or hard, God is always kind.

day 5:
God never changes.  This was the theme today and I needed that reminder.  We are facing some changes in our family in the coming months, and I have tried not to think about them because I start to become anxious about the unknowns.

I love the verse that Becky ended the day with:  Psalm 26:1 says, "I have trusted in the Lord without wavering."

I want to be able to say that.  Even when I am facing all sorts of uncertainties, I don't want my trust in God to falter.


In summary, I am thoroughly enjoying this book.  I'm being challenged, blessed, and I find myself praising God more even in the mundane things that I do each day.  My heart is being turned to praise more and more.

If you're joining in this month's challenge, I'd love to hear what you've learned so far!  Feel free to share in the comments, or you can email me: onlyfromscratch at gmail dot com

Day 31 :: The Conclusion: Carrots and Trust

The other day we went out and picked the last of our beans from the garden and some carrots that have been growing for months.  We've never grown carrots before, and we weren't exactly sure when to pick them.  We ended up with quite a crop!

It was interesting to pull the carrots from the ground.  The tops would be tall, full of leaves, and from all appearances, I would think that carrot would be huge.  Then, when I pulled it up, I was shocked to find the carrot was tiny, maybe only an inch.  Some of the bigger carrots were smaller on top.  The growth of the fruit was only evidenced by its roots, the part that wasn't visible at first.

It's that way with us, too.  We dig deep roots, that secret to thriving, and as we do so we can thrive.  Not looking to the outside for evidence of thriving, but looking to our heart, that fruit that is produced in a life of obedience to Christ.

And so I conclude by going back to the verse in Jeremiah that I shared in the beginning of this series.  Only this time I want to start a few verses earlier.  Jeremiah provides a wonderful contrast:

"Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord.  He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come.  He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.  He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit." - Jeremiah 17:5-8-

I think the times when I'm not thriving it boils down to the fact that I have missed the simple practice of trusting in God.  I fail to thrive when I start trusting in myself.  I trust myself to make my kids obey, my husband love me, finish all of the things that need to be done, and try to look good while I do it.  

I don't want to be a shrub in the desert.  But that's what I'm likened to if I trust in myself. 

A tree that needs not fear in the drought?  Always producing fruit?  That's what I'd like to be.  And, so I make every effort to trust in the Lord.  

I trust in Him to give me the grace to do anything.  I trust in Him to mold me and shape me to become more like Him.  I trust Him with the things in life that bring me sorrow, knowing that He is using them for my good and His glory.

And, then, when I put my trust in the Lord, over and over again, I can send my roots deep to the stream of Living Water, and I can thrive.

For a list of all posts in this series go here. 

Day 30 :: Productive or Fruitful?

My mom and dad visited a few weeks ago.  I love it when they come because it always refreshes my soul.  As we always do, we started talking about life--the good, the bad and the ugly {at least my ugly}--and we began to talk about thriving.  {Yes, my mom reads my blog}.  She shared with me some of the things she had recently heard at a retreat she attended.

One thing she shared stuck out to me as it relates to thriving.  The speaker had said something like, "We must not confuse being productive with being fruitful."

This has been a good reminder for me, especially during this season of my life.  If I thought that it was only possible to thrive when everything on my to-do list was done or I 'had it all together', then I would never thrive.

There's always going to be one more thing to do.  The laundry might get done, but by bedtime that night, more's going in the dirty clothes' basket.

And I will never 'have it all together' whatever that means, because I'm not holding anything together. All that I am or do is Christ at work in me.

So, I'm trying to replace the word productive in my mind with fruitful.

Am I bearing fruit in this moment?

Jesus said, "I am the vine, you are the branches.  Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." - John 15:5 -

source

In order to bear fruit I must abide in Christ.  I must dig my roots deep into His truth.  I must depend on Him for all things.  And I know that it is only by His power that I will do anything.

What is the fruit that we bear?

The fruit that we bear is our obedience to Christ, the fruit of the Spirit that only comes by walking with Him.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control..." -Galatians 5:22-23

I can truly thrive when I am abiding in Christ and walking in the Spirit.  Then, my life will be fruitful not because I got a lot done, but because I am a person changed by God.

For a list of all posts in this series go here.

Day 29 :: You have to close your eyes to really see

The furniture is dressed in a fine layer of dust.

A trail of toys makes its way up the steps, some sort of game the girls are playing.

Shapes and blocks left over from a therapy session lie scattered across the living room floor.

There are spots on the kitchen floor, a mixture of grape juice and spaghetti sauce, I think.  And we haven't eaten spaghetti in a few weeks. 

My clothes lie loose around my middle, hiding the wrinkles and excess skin from bearing babies four times over. 

It's a glorious mess, this day in and day out life, and when I open my eyes it's all I can see.

My eyes are open and yet I'm blind.  

Can I look at the dust and thank God for the sunshine?

Can I walk along the trail of toys and rejoice in the imaginations of my children who play together each day?

And those shapes from therapy?  What a wonder it is to watch my little boy strive to crawl and learn new signs so he can communicate with us.

A messy kitchen floor?  I should be grateful for food to eat and a house to live in.

That wrinkly stomach of mine? Well, it's evidence of a miraculous God, creating life and bringing it forth.

Thankfulness, rejoicing, wondering at the awesomeness of God -- these are the things that I want to focus on in the day in and day out that I live. 

A friend's Facebook status a couple weeks ago said, "God, give me eyes to see your reality today, to see all the things that I can't see."

God's reality is found in the eternal, the things that are unseen.  Sometimes it takes closing my eyes to really see.

When I close my eyes I can see God's hand at work as I dwell on Him.  

I can see little children who need Jesus rather than seeing the messes that they make. 

I can see a woman who, although scarred by childbirth, is being changed by God through her children.

So, I'm learning to pause during my day in and day out glorious mess of a life, close my eyes, and re-focus my sight on those things that I can't see.  

The eternal things.

The Eternal One.

No longer blind, I see Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith.  

Now, when I open my eyes, I can "look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

To really thrive I need to close my eyes. 

Close my eyes to the day in and day out and open my eyes to the wonder of the Eternal.  

For a list of all posts in this series go here.

Day 28 :: When you just want it to be normal

Many times after our son was diagnosed with Down Syndrome I found myself thinking, "If only things could be normal again."

I finally uttered the words to my husband and I remember him gently, and yet forcefully, saying, "Lauren, this is normal."

I find that it's easy to wish for life to be different than what it is.  To look forward to the day when things will slow down or be what I had always pictured.

Life doesn't happen that way.  There may not ever be a time in my life that I would consider 'normal'.

Normal is busy days, sleepless nights, sick kids, change, loss, longing, transition, unexpected circumstances, relational turmoil, suffering.

Normal is life in motion and sometimes normal means I will hurt and grieve and experience sorrow.

Sorrow because it's not what we wanted.  Sorrow because we can't change it.  Sorrow because it's so hard to deal with the stuff of this moment that all I can do is cry.

Is it possible to thrive in these moments of sorrow?  Is God's grace really sufficient even for the most seemingly un-normal things I'm facing?

I'm learning that it is possible.

It is possible to thrive in my sorrow because I'm just a simple jar that God has chosen to fill with "the light of the knowledge of the glory of God." {2 Corinthians 4:6}

So, I can say with the apostle Paul:

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.."  2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Nancy Guthrie, in her book, Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow, says:

"To experience and exude peace when life is crashing down around you, to have the lightness of joy when the weight of sorrow is heavy, to be grateful for what God has given you when you've lost what is most precious to you -- that is God at work on the interior of your life, on display in your life.  It is the light of God piercing the darkness of this world."

You see it's not about removing sorrowful things that will make us thrive, it's about running to God in the midst of our sorrow.

What?  That's not what I want!  Often that's how feel, right?  We just 'want it to be normal again'.

Guthrie goes on to say:

"When Jesus offers himself to us in the midst of our pain, most of us think, That's it?  That's the best you can do?  I was hoping for more.  The truth is, we're often more interested in getting what God's got, not getting more of God.  We've put in our order for a miracle of healing or relief, and the miracle of his presence to us seems like the consolation prize."  {Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow, p. 118}

The grace of Jesus, the presence of Jesus, the truth of Jesus -- these are the things that will enable us to thrive in this normal sorrowful life.  HE is what we need to thrive.

I don't know what your normal life is like right now.  But I would guess that some of you are experiencing sorrow in one way or another.

Will you run to Jesus with your sorrow and allow the power of His presence to fill you up?

Will you trust Him in the midst of your sorrow and watch how He changes you?

Let's embrace this normal life with the sorrows that it brings, and trust that God is using it to put Himself on display, and let us thrive.

For a list of all posts in this series go here.

Day 25 :: Does it Help?

After yesterday's post, I had a couple of comments on my personal Facebook page that I wanted to share with you.  I think you'll be able to relate.

The first, a friend of mine who serves as a missionary in Niger, shared about how reading status updates affected her attitude.  This is what she had to share:

So true!! Even from the dusty middle of nowhere! Just the other day I was browsing my facebook wall and all I could think was 'I wish I lived a NORMAL life!!!' Another friend at home has gotten engaged . . . or married . . . or had a baby . . . or sent a kid to third grade . . . or ran a marathon . . . or got a new job . . . or washed his car . . . or painted her kitchen . . . or got excited about a session premier . . . or . . . whatever 'normal' people do these days. It had been a particularly rough 'living-in-Niger' day and I found myself using facebook as a justification to complain and gripe and pout . . . all because I was comparing. 

Thanks for your honesty and transparency, Deb.  I know I have struggled with my attitude after reading my Facebook news feed.

The second, a dear friend of mine made two great points:

And as we imitate Christ we remember that He gave us grace for our failings and shortcomings. How convicting to question whether what we are posting are leading others to feel like failures.

Thank you for the reminder, friend, of God's grace.

Her second point got me thinking.

And rather than typing out my inarticulate thoughts on the matter, I thought I'd leave you with a verse and a question to ponder over the weekend:

Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

Am I sharing things in my social media platforms that are beneficial, helping others to thrive?

For a list of all posts in this series go here.

Day 23 & 24 :: Social Media & How it Can Affect our Ability to Thrive

Today's post is a combination of Day 23 & Day 24.  Our internet was out yesterday afternoon when I had planned to write my post, so I was unable to get Day 23 up in time.  Thanks for your understanding!

We read a friend's Facebook status and instantly we feel jealous and discontent because we're struggling with something or don't have the ease and comfort their Facebook status says they have.

We browse Pinterest and notice someone has a board about toddler developmental games.  Immediately we start our own board because we think, "If I was really a good Mom, I'd be doing these things with my child."

Our Instagram feeds show pictures of happy children picking pumpkins and running through corn mazes, only to stir up feelings of inadequacy because we can barely get our kids fed, clothed, and bathed without having a complete meltdown.

And Twitter, well reading tweets can make us feel dumb or unimportant because we can't come up with witty sayings about daily happenings.  Or, maybe we feel 'behind' or 'ignorant' because we don't have a Twitter account. Or perhaps we judge others thinking, "Wow, how do they have time to do that?  Certainly they're neglecting something else in their life."  Judgmental attitudes are rampant in the social media realm.

And on and on it goes.  You know what I'm talking about.

Never before have we known so much about the daily happenings of peoples' lives.  Or at least, glimpses of others' lives.  The window of social media allows us to 'see' things that when handled in the wrong way can affect our ability to thrive.

Somehow we've fallen into the trap of believing that what others do is the measure of how we should live our lives.  We compare and if we find ourselves lacking, we try to imitate.  This 'wanting to be like everyone else' isn't only a struggle in adolescent years; with the rise of social media we're battling this temptation more than ever before.  And it's not because we want to be popular, it's because we think that if we're not doing what someone else is doing, somehow we've failed.

And if we fail, we don't thrive.

So we live in this vicious cycle of comparing, imitating, and failing.

By imitating others we lose sight of how we are to truly live and more importantly, WHO it is we are to live for.

Ephesians 5:1 says, "Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children."  

Imitate God.

It's simple.  His standard is the one that I use to measure my life.  His Word should guide and shape my decisions, not what I see happening in my social media feeds.

When I choose to imitate God instead of others, I can thrive because I'm walking with Him, growing closer to Him, allowing His Spirit to work in me, and living my life for His glory.

For a list of all posts in this series go here.

Day 20 :: Meditate on Truth

"Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding." 

Proverbs 23:23

"Dear friends, we must buy truth even if the price is ever so dear.  Every parcel of truth is precious, as the filings of gold.  We must either live with it, or die for it.  As Ruth said to Naomi, may gracious spirits say, 'Where truth goes, I will go, and where truth lodges, I will lodge, and nothing but death shall part me and truth.'  

A man may lawfully sell his house, land and jewels, but truth exceeds all prices, and must not be sold.  It is our heritage and joy (Psa.119:11).  Our forefathers have bought truth with their blood.  We should be willing to lay down anything that we may purchase this precious pearl.  

It is worth more than the heavens and the earth, and it will make men live happily, die comfortably, and reign eternally. 

 In seeking truth, remember it is not hasty reading, but serious meditating upon holy and heavenly truths that make them sweet and profitable to the soul.  

 

It is not the bee's brief touching of the flower, but her abiding upon the flower that draws out the sweet.  It is not he that reads most, but he that meditates most, that will prove the sweetest, wisest, and strongest Christian.  

Also, it is not the knowing, talking, and reading man, but the doing man that will at last be found the happiest man.  If you know these things, happy are you if you do them.  

Judas called Christ Lord, and yet betrayed him.  How many Judases kiss Christ, and yet betray him; in their words profess him, but in their works deny him; they bow their knees to him, and yet in their hearts despise him; they call him Jesus, and obey him not as Lord.  

Read and labour to know, but that you may do, or else you are undone forever.  You will have two heavens -- a heaven of joy, peace, and comfort on earth, and a heaven of glory and happiness after death."

-taken from Voices from the Past, excerpt by Thomas Brooks

For a list of all posts in this series go here.

Day 18 :: I Need Others in Order to Thrive

I walked into church this past Wednesday night with my three month old in the moby wrap, my 18 month old, who can't walk yet, resting on my hip, and my two sweet girls walking beside me.  I had a meeting to attend, my husband was working, and this was my first time bringing all the kids to church by myself.  I had thought through how it would go, down to the fact that I would walk slowly down the steps so as not to drop a child. As I walked through the front door, I realized that we were going to make it.  "Yes! I can do this!", was my thought.

A sweet friend, mother of six, must have seen me come in and before I made it to the top of the steps, she came and said, "Can I help you?"

I wanted to say, "No, I've got this; we're good."

I struggle with asking for help.  I struggle to admit that I'm not able to do as much as I like.

I struggle with pride.

I've really tried to evaluate what it is that keeps me from wanting to ask others for help, to allow them to help me carry my burdens.  Sometimes it's because I don't want to bother them.  Occasionally I choose to not ask for help because it's quicker and easier {in some ways} to just do it myself.

But, I really think it boils down to the fact that somewhere I've gotten the idea that if I ask for help, or receive help when it's offered, it means that I'm less than what I should be as a Mom, as a person, and people will judge me for just not having it all together.

This is a ridiculous lie.

A sweet friend, prompted by the Holy Spirit, sent me an email on Wednesday, and reminded me of an excerpt from a Bible study we had done together last fall.  It's taken from Tim Keller's book, Gospel in Life, in reference to Galatians 6:2, which says, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."  Here's Keller's commentary on that verse:

"There is a hidden reciprocity in Galatians 6:2 that should not be overlooked.  Notice it does not say "carry other's burdens" but "carry each other's burdens."  It means something like this:  'Live in a community where you don't let others carry their loads alone, and where you also don't try to carry your own load alone.  Help others and let others help you."  It is a form of hypocrisy to be willing to help others with their weaknesses but to hide your own or refuse help.  It takes a gospel-changed heart to give help unselfishly to others, and it takes a gospel-changed heart to receive help unashamedly from others.'"


In her email, she went on to say that she would love to help me, and offered some specific things that might be a help.

I needed to be reminded of this.  Has my heart been changed enough by the gospel to realize that God has placed me in a body of fellow believers who function together to serve and love one another?  Do I realize that part of this serving and loving is allowing people to serve and love me?  Why do I feel ashamed when I have to ask for help?  There's no shame in functioning together as a body of believers in love and service toward one another.

1 Peter 4:8-11 says, "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.  As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies--in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.  To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."

When my friend offered to help me the other night at church, I wanted to say, " No".

But I decided to let her carry the 18 month old down the steps.

And it felt good to let someone help me.

I'm learning that if I want to truly thrive, I need other people.  Thriving is not a solo act.  To truly thrive I need to release my pride, accept help from others, and allow the body of Christ to function as it ought.

This is glorifying to God.

For a list of all posts in this series go here.

Day 17 :: Resist or Yield?

One of the challenges that Mason faces with having Down Syndrome is low muscle tone.  For the past year he's been getting physical therapy in order to help him be able to sit, roll over, crawl, walk, etc.  Most children develop these skills naturally, they don't have to be taught.  But for Mason, he needs to be shown how to get out of a sitting position, that his feet are a part of his body and he needs to use them in order to get around, and that he can move a lot faster by doing it on his hands and knees.

Our physical therapist is wonderful and Mason really enjoys her, which is a blessing.  Most days he does well and really tries to improve his skills.  He gets tired during his one hour sessions because he is working those muscles and learning to do things that, for him, are pretty scary.  It's tough.

Yesterday, though, he wasn't having any of it.  He didn't want the therapist to touch him, manipulate him, or be near him.

As he was swatting his arms at her to get away and grunting in displeasure, a chord struck in my heart.

Don't I do the same thing when life is hard?  I might not literally swing my arms at someone but in my spirit I'm resisting and fighting.

Resisting when I grumble and complain.

Resisting when I get so fed up with what's hard in my day that I raise my voice at my kids and throw sarcastic barbs at my husband.

Resisting when I escape to things like social media, TV, or a good book, instead of seeking God in prayer and pouring out my heart to Him.

Mason doesn't realize that the hardness of physical therapy is going to cause him to grow and develop and be able to get around like other kids.  It's going to take some pain, but eventually he will thrive.  He just needs to yield himself to his therapist.

Life might be hard, the days long, but if I but yield myself, my spirit, to what God is doing I can thrive, seeing that what He is doing is for good, for growth, for His glory.

"And we know that for those who love God 

all things work together for good, 

for those who are called according to his purpose." 

Romans 8:28

Are you resisting today or are you yielding?

For a list of all posts in this series go here

Day 16 :: It's Not Always Pretty

The girls slosh in the backyard, mud creeping up their legs and arms.

They stir and mix, pour and dump.  The mud gets thicker.

I look on in wonder at the enormous mess.

My life sort of looks like this right now, dirt all mixed up with water and I don't like the mud.

Thriving doesn't just take place when it's all clean, smooth, and uncomplicated.

Thriving can take place in the mess.

Sometimes thriving isn't pretty.

Life can be messy.  It's unpredictable, hard, busy, overwhelming.

Is it possible to thrive in the mud of life?

Can I thrive when I pull into the parking lot of Arby's and sob over life's challenges.

Can I thrive when there are bags under my eyes from a sleepless night with a sick baby.

Can I thrive in the midst of disobedient children who need correction time and time again.

Can I thrive when my floors are muddy from those girls who made mud pies in the yard.

I can choose to thrive even when it's messy.

Just like her, I want to see the mess on my hands and smile.

For a list of all posts in this series go here.

Day 15 :: Maybe it's my Attitude

In Day 1 of this series I shared Webster's definition of thrive.  Just to refresh your  memory, here are the three definitions again:

1. to grow vigorously
2. to gain in wealth or possessions
3. to progress toward or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances

There is a continuous theme in each of these definitions and it's one that has surprised me as I've been thinking on this topic and writing this month.

Thriving is a process, not a destination.

We often think that if we're truly thriving we've somehow attained a higher level of life.

 If we go by Webster's definition, though, we see that it's about growth, gaining, progress.  Not full maturity or perfection.

We sometimes talk about life in terms like 'surviving' or 'just keeping my head above water'.  If we say these things does it mean we're not thriving?

It could.

But what if thriving was not about keeping on top of things and getting through another day.

What if thriving was about my attitude?

What if thriving was about my growth in Christ-likeness?

Because if it's about my attitude and my spiritual growth, then I can thrive in the midst of anything.  And my thriving might look very different from yours because we're all at different points in our journey with the Lord.

And sometimes we go through valleys and sometimes we stand on the mountaintop, but isn't it how we do each of those things that is important?

I'm learning about my attitude and how it affects my ability to thrive, so I'm going to talk about that for the next few days, maybe for the remainder of the month.  I don't have it all planned out, but I want to share what God has been teaching me in this area.

For today, though, I want to leave you with a great promise, one that reminds me that my thriving will one day reach maturity, and it's God who is doing the work in me.

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you 

will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." 

Philippians 1:6

  For a list of all posts in this series go here.

Day 14 :: Sometimes We Need Courage

There are times in life if we want to thrive, we have to be bold, brave, and step out with courage.

My friend, Laura, has been writing a series on courage this month.  I met Laura in 2005 during training with a mission board.  We had some good talks during the two weeks that we went through training as we both wrestled with where and how God was leading us.  I wound up staying stateside, working for that mission board.  And Laura ended on the mission field.  I've enjoyed keeping up with her journey of service as God has led her in different ways.  Laura has been faithful to the Lord's leading in her life, she's faced some hard things, and from the glimpses that I get into her life, I think she strives to truly thrive through it all.  She currently serves as a missionary in Ireland.

Come on over to The Adventure of Life today and read about what I wrote on Courage in Family and Parenting.

For a list of all posts in this series go here.

Day 13 :: The Newness of God

As the sun shines new each morning, may you be reminded of the Light of the World.

Jesus, who turns darkness into light, sorrow into rejoicing, despair into hope.

Today, may your spirit rise anew in wonder, praise, and adoration of God.

Let the mercies of God draw you closer to Him.

And may your spirit thrive in the newness of God today.

For a list of all posts in this series go here.



In the busy noise of today may you still hear the whispers of the Spirit, reminding you of truth.

Day 10 :: A Predictable Routine

Today and tomorrow I'm going to share some practical things that I've done to try and help with the thriving in our home.  These things have helped me to function better as a wife and mom.

Most of us have some sort of rhythm to our days:  we wake up, eat, do stuff, eat again, do more stuff, eat again, start on more stuff, go to bed.  It's pretty simple when you put it that way.  And yet it gets complicated when you're waking little people up, feeding those little people, entertaining the little people, and getting the little people into bed.  

Some days I just want to pull out  my hair by the first eat.  Like this past Tuesday when I went upstairs and my girls had somehow decided that it was a good idea to rub shampoo all over the furniture in their room.  Apparently, they were cleaning.  

In order to help with the complication of our days, we have a routine.  Nothing super strict with every minute of the day planned out, but it works for us and the structure has helped me to stay on top of things {for the most part}, thriving in my household duties, if you will. :)

My kids all wake up at different times in the morning, but breakfast is always around 8AM.  It's been that way since they were newborns {I'll touch on that tomorrow}.  We eat at the table together.  My husband is usually already at work, so it's just me and the kids.  It's been a bit tricky with nursing a newborn and having to feed my 18 month old at the same time, so some of it is staggered, but it's always at the same time. 

Our mornings are either spent running errands or just playing around the house and doing housework.  My youngest {3 months old tomorrow!} takes a morning nap, and on the days that Mason has physical therapy in the afternoons, he also takes a short nap.  During that time, the older girls and I work on writing letters, coloring, or just playing together.  

Lunch is at noon, again, all together at the table.  

By the time lunch is over and I've finished nursing Jennavieve, it's about 1:00.  We have some more time to play, and I try to clean up the kitchen a bit.  Mason and Jennavieve take an afternoon nap, and are down by 1:30 or 2 for that nap.  The older girls don't nap every day anymore {giving these up was difficult for me}, so they have a 'quiet' time for about an hour.  This is spent in their rooms, either playing with a specific toy or looking at books.  

If all goes as planned, this guarantees that I have about an hour each day with all children quiet.  My hour is spent in different ways.  I sew, blog, work on a project, fold laundry, cook, clean--basically whatever needs to be done that didn't get done, or I just do something fun.  I need this time and helps to re-charge me for the remainder of the day. 

Nap time is always over at 4:00, and from this time on, the kids are usually entertaining themselves while I cook dinner and intervene here and there to play or settle disagreements.

We don't eat dinner at the same time every night, but it's always around 5:30 or 6, and we sit at the table together to eat.  We're blessed in that my husband is usually home for dinner so we're able to do this as an entire family.  

After dinner is spent as a family, either outside in the yard, taking a walk, playing a game, occasionally watching a movie, or sometimes going to Lowe's.  {We like to do home projects together so sometimes a Lowe's trip as a family is a necessity}.

The kids are all in bed by 8PM, with the exception of Jennavieve who is usually still eating at that time.  She's down for the count around 8:30, though, and then Bradley and I have a bit of time together in the evenings.  

People have asked me how I get anything done with four little children, so now you have a glimpse of how it works for us.  I realize that structure is not for everyone, but if you feel like your system isn't working, I challenge you to try establishing a routine for about two weeks and see how it goes.  You might be pleasantly surprised!  Or you might hate it and go back to what you were doing.  We have to find what works for each of us.  

My children know what to expect each day and I really believe this provides a sense of security for them. 

A routine functions as a guide and keeps me on track with the needs of my husband, children, and home. 

For tomorrow's post, I'll be answering a question about babies and routines.  It is possible to thrive in the area of sleep with a newborn.  Come back tomorrow and I'll share the ins and outs that have helped my babies sleep during the day and the night!

For a list of all posts in this series go here.  

Day 9 :: Sometimes the Good has to Go

Ever since I can remember I have enjoyed being busy.  My parents tell me I was like the Energizer Bunny when I was a kid; I went straight from crawling to running and would go go go all day long.

My high school years were packed with sports year round, band, piano lessons, youth group activities, family time, friends...it was non-stop.  College was similar: studies, student life leadership, work, being a Resident Assistant in the ladies' dorms, choir and teaching AWANA at church.

I'm a doer, a task-oriented person, and I thrive on looking back to see how much was accomplished in a given day and how efficiently I was able to get it done.

Since becoming a parent my tasks have only increased and my desire to stay involved in a lot of things hasn't lessened.

There is a hard reality in this for me:  I can't do it all.

Just as a gardener must dig out the weeds for his plants to survive, he also thins out the good plants so that there is room for abundant growth in those that remain.

In the same way, I've had to learn that some of the good stuff I love to do and be involved in has to go.

This season of parenting young children is hard, and it's tiring and time-consuming, and life-sucking {literally}, and everyone has a need to be met every minute of every day.  And how can I ever keep up with all of these people and their needs and wants?

I have to learn to say, "No."

Saying, "No," somehow strikes my pride and makes me feel like I just don't measure up. I look around and see other moms who juggle all kinds of things and seem to do it marvelously with joy on their faces.

I also have to think about my children.  How are the decisions that I'm making with my time affecting them and their growth?  Am I enabling them to thrive or am I stunting their growth because I want to do all these good things?  

So I'm evaluating and rearranging and removing.  Because I know that to truly thrive during this season of my life some of the good has to go.

Do you have some good things that need to go?

For a list of all posts in this series go here.