Re-Learning through the changing seasons of life

On Sunday my husband gave me one of the greatest gifts:  time.  To myself.  I basically walked into the house after getting home from church, mumbled something like, "Don't ask me, I'm not in charge," to my four year old's question, changed out of my dress and headed back out the door.

I was elated to finally have some alone time.  Should I go to the beach and read?  Shop?  Find a bathroom and use it just because I could without being interrupted?  Sit somewhere and enjoy being left alone?

I found myself at Panera, with my laptop open, a grilled chicken Caesar salad, and my thoughts.  But I couldn't even think straight.  As excited as I was to be on my own, I also felt completely lost.  This move has taken its toll on me.  My heart, my mind, my emotions, everything has been pushed to the limit and I am tired.

I forgot how much change affects me.  For a person who loves routine--maybe you could say I'm a bit OCD--even little changes, like when Bradley's schedule would shift from days to nights, it would be weeks before I felt like we were in a good rhythm.

The past eight weeks I've been navigating my way through a new town, a house that we don't love, sleepless nights due to a teething baby and older children who wet their beds, mice in the house{even had one in a drawer, and I touched its tail--gross}, loneliness, new routines.  In many ways I feel like I'm drowning in my thoughts and finding clarity in this newness has been hard.

Last year I wrote a post on feeling overwhelmed.  I just re-read it, and do you know what?  I was about to type out exactly what I had written last year.  Funny how we have to re-learn things as we go through the changing seasons of life.  We don't ever arrive.  And, I think that's a good thing.

If we came to the point of handling everything perfectly we would lose sight of the fact that we aren't the ones who are ever handling anything.

I can do nothing on my own.

I must continue to decrease so that Jesus can become greater (John 3:30).

And if me decreasing means that God gives me something that's a bit too hard for me to handle, then so be it.  Because my job as a follower of Christ is to feel more and more unable, not more and more capable.

It's when I feel weak that God is made strong (2 Corinthians 12:10)  In my inabilities He shines greater.  As I abide in Him, I can bear fruit because apart from Jesus I can do nothing (John 15:5).

Today, if we feel like we just can't handle it, we're right.

But, if we have been changed by the gospel of Jesus Christ, then we have a power at work within us, "Christ in you, the hope of glory" (Colossians 1:27).


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